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| Just those rainy days |
| 01.29.04 (11:21 pm) [edit] |
Today went pretty good. Even though Im sick as hell, whats new. This bronchitus thing will never go away.
I'm seriously thinking about going to get my tonsils removed. It won't get rid of stuff, but I think it will help with future problems like strep throat and stuff. It won't be half as bad if I don't have my tonsils.
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| Butterflies |
| 01.28.04 (11:46 pm) [edit] |
I love Sean. He reminds me everyday of why life is worth it. Hes lovely.
I actually got my room cleaned (well sorta) Its refreshing cause before it was just rank,lol.
Got a new song for my tblog. Im excited, it makes me happy
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| Staring down the barrel of a 45 |
| 01.27.04 (9:09 pm) [edit] |
I didn't deserve to get yelled at and ignored. But fuck him, if he wants to be a moody asshole, its his life, not mine. I just wished the things that were said, werent said at all.
Besides that my day has been really good. I got out of work early.Plus I got to stay the night with my man the night before, which was fun.
I think right now Im in an odd state of mind.
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| Hoodie Hoo |
| 01.26.04 (6:51 pm) [edit] |
I gotta clean my room. Its gettin out of control.
Ever since the whole "Phillip incedent" that happened last week, Ive been a mess. Ive had cramps,nausea,nervous tension, and lack of sleep. I am lucky if I sleep 4 hours a night. And when I get really stressed I get reddish/brown itchy marks on my face. They pop up and irratate until I calm down. Sometimes they stay acouple days. Its weird, but I rember my doctor gave me cream for it along time ago, he said it was part of some nervous disorder. For my better well being I am not going to talk to him or anyone close to him. Its for the best, because I cant go back into a depressed slum like I used too.
One more month until my birthday! :D I guess thats something fun to look forward too. Dunno what Im gonna do yet though.
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| Weird |
| 01.26.04 (2:54 am) [edit] |
Today has been a mix of emotions.
It started out alright. Christa, Phillips exgirlfriend (they broke up two days ago), and I hung out. We went to Manchester to play pool with her friend Cambridge. It was ok I guess. I had fun but I dont think I will be hanging out with them again. Its too weird to hang out with someone whos dating the same guy you dated for 3 yrs. I have to get away from it all. I have to get away from anything having to do with Phillip because its making me an emotional basketcase. I wished I could move somewhere for acouple days till shit blows over.
He still loves me and I cant handle that shit. I am happy now. I am so in love with Sean its not funny. But when he tells me he still loves me, it makes me sick, I need to escape and never talk to him again cause I cant handle it, too much stress.
Im babbling
I havent slept at all and I have to be to work in acouple hours. I still need prayers. I need to get away from the past
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| Waiting |
| 01.24.04 (9:21 pm) [edit] |
My day has somewhat gotten better. I feel a little less stressed out as before. I still have things on my mind that are bothering to me, but I think if I just keep my head up I will be ok. I still am having trouble sleeping. I just need to calm down and relax and try to learn to except the things I cannot change.
I need to space away from certain people, because its bringing me to much heart ache. I need to focus on the important things in my life now. Like my friends and the man Im with. I cant dwell in the past because it hurts too bad. And I cant worry about my future because I yet to know the outcome. All I can do for now is just be....
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| Dear God forgive my stupid ass and help me through this |
| 01.24.04 (6:54 am) [edit] |
My life is destroyed. It is ruined. So much fuckin shit has happened in the last 42 hours. I am a mental basketcase. My heart is shattered into one million peices. Im confused. Very sick. Cant stop throwing up. I havent slept since the night before last. Wow.Shit. Why. Why cant ... I .. Im just emotional. Everything makes me cry. I have to work 4 to close. The house is turned upside with garbae, and dirty cloths, and mom and dad are expected to be here tonight. They will hate me. Im hurting, mentally and physically. I am so fucking stupid. I hurt people. I hurt those who I care about. Im fucking with peoples heads and I dont realise it yet. My eyes are red. Fuck. Why did it happen. Why is it still happening. How could I have been so careless and stupid. My face is itching now. Too much stress. I cant sleep. I just want peace. Peace of mind. Peace to understand. I went back into the past for one night and now Im so confused. Whats going to happen to me.
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| Attacted by a rodent lol |
| 01.20.04 (8:18 pm) [edit] |
The other day I saw a mouse on my attic stairs. It had huge eyes and feet, I wanted it. I held out my hand so I could get it to take outside, but instead he leaped onto my coat sleeve and ran up on my head. I had my hair in a loose bun, and he had grabbed on for dear life. I swung my head around tring to get him off. When I stopped I looked around cause I thought I had slung him but he jumped from my head and scamperred away into the closet. Holly said it was like something out of a movie. I laughed my ass off at it. Im bored tonight. My parents arent comming home until Saturday so I guess that could be fun.
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| Sick |
| 01.18.04 (3:30 pm) [edit] |
I went to the hospital the other night around 3 am cause I was feeling so bad. Turns out I have Bronchitus and a lung infection. They said if I dont treat it, it could turn into Phenomia. Last night was horrible, I couldnt sleep at all, I could barely even breathe but Sean came over and took care of me which made me fee alot better. I love him so much.
Luckily today it has been a little bit better. Pizza Hut didnt make me come into work which was nice. I needed some relaxation time.
Phillip and Christa just called me a second ago. I talked to Christa for an hour. Its so weird that his new girlfriend and I are on good terms. She gets SUPER jelous though. Her and Phillip are the exact same, they get jeouls easy, get pissed at everything, thier even born on the exact same day. Its odd. Two moody Taurus 2gether has Disaster written all over it!!! But I hope they stay 2gether anyway, and work stuff out. Cause I sure as hell dont want him back in my life, so Im hoping him and Christa get married or something.
There is so much I need to do. The house is a mess, I have no clean cloths, I need to do laundry. I just dont feel like moving much. Dont want to trigger the beast (my coughing).
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| Does anyone know.... |
| 01.14.04 (1:44 pm) [edit] |
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Does anyone know a good thing to download music? Blubster and Kaazza dont work for me. I dont rip muscians off, I buy cds if I want the songs, but some artists do stuff that you can only find on the net like remixes and underground stuff.
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| Easter Bunny, 2 soon 2 late |
| 01.06.04 (6:48 pm) [edit] |
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| Someone Kill Me |
| 01.06.04 (6:12 pm) [edit] |
I need to go to the doctors asap. Im pretty positive Im developing a mild case of Pneumonia. Right now everyone thinks I have Bronchitus, but if I don't get meds soon it will develop into much worse. I cant stop coughing. I cant sleep, breathe or do anything comfortably. Right now I feel like I'd just rather die then feel the way I do. God help me
:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
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| fuck |
| 01.05.04 (8:45 pm) [edit] |
My throat hurts so bad. I have been coughing NON stop for the past few hours. Its getting really out of control. I'd get my tonsils taken out but I already have to go tommorrow to put 1,000 in my car. err
sometimes my life doesnt seem worth anything. all i have is certain loved ones to hang on to.
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| Dream Journal |
| 01.05.04 (11:28 am) [edit] |
I decided to make a dream journal. Its kinda neat.
http://www.livejournal.com/us...
That way later on I can rember it lol.
Man I cant stop sneezing coughing. Being sick sucks. I really need to move out.
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| Errg whhyyy |
| 01.03.04 (1:21 pm) [edit] |
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I hate random zits!! *stabs self in face* :evil: I wished I didnt have to go to work but I got some new pants and boots to wear so I guess thats a plus. Erg my emotions are tipsy
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| Longass Quizz |
| 01.02.04 (10:48 pm) [edit] |
15 Years Ago, I:
1.was 3
2.got lost in a big museum for hours
3.was addicted to Dot and the Kangaroo
4.had only been in Tennesse for one year
5.never stayed put
10 Years Ago, I:
1.was 8
2.thought everything had feelings
3.went to Disney World
4.got my ears peirced
5.realised Santa was a sham
5 Years Ago, I:
1.was 13
2.ran away from home
3.started developing my clinical depression
4.became self conscious
5.felt very alone
3 Years Ago, I:
1.I was 15
2.lost my virginity a month before my 15th b-day
3.started highschool at gchs
4.got into my first fist fight with a girl
5.started liking girls
1 Year Ago, I:
1.was 17
2.was dealing with relationship issues
3.was working at Mcdonalds (ahh!)
4.met my current boyfriend
5.got a green taurus for my bday
Yesterday, I:
1.Woke up at Seans place
2.Went to Work
3.Developed a sore throat
4.Met up with an old friend at the park
5.Was very tired
Today, I:
1.Went to work because someone quit
2.Made some good tips $$$
3.ripped a hole in my pants on the edge of something
3.took a nap
4.had a serious random nose bleed for 20 mins lol
5.gabbed to holly
Tomorrow, I:
1.will go shopping for new work pants
2.work till closing
3.prolly nap
4.call hol
5.bring sean back to my place after work
5 Games I Like:
1.Zelda
2.Monopoly
3.Simpsons board game
4.Spin the bottle
5.Truth or dare
5 Things I'd Buy With $10000:
1.a new computer
2.a new car
3.a big screen tv
4.new cloths/shoes
5.gifts for my friends/boyfriend
Top 5 Songs Lately:
1.Pony- Ginuwine
2.Slow Jamz- Twista w/Jamie Fox
3.Unanswered prayers- GB
4.Through The Wire- Kayne West
5.Figured You Out- Nickelback
3 Bad Habits I Have
1.I worry way to much
2.I let people take advantage of me
3.I cant keep my room clean if my life depended on it
Interests at the moment:
1.spending time with friends that I miss
2.getting my priorties straight
3.getting my car fixed
4.working to get things I want
TV Shows I Like:
1.Late Night with Conan O'brian
2.Real World
Places I've Lived:
1.Maryland
2.Tennesee
My Top Biggest Worries at the Moment:
1.Money
2.Direction in life
My Top Biggest Joys at the Moment:
1.My friends/bf
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